I am learning so much about breaking the chains and the boxes of religion. I think that I truly believe what Paul says about everything being permissible but not everything is benneficial. I think that God gives us guidelines to protect us, but its clear that He gives us free will. Not every decision is a good one and there are consequences for our bad ones, but not every decision that has the capability of having bad consequences are altogether bad.
I think that as christians we have ourselves so bound up in a box that we can't experience the true freedom that God has for us. We make choices according to how we think God would respond.
We also have a tendency to say God, what do you want me to do or what do you want me to do with this, when really He is asking us what we want to do and what we will do with what He has given us. Its free will people! We don't have to live by a set of rules. We are free in christ and when we are close to His heart there is no guilt and shame. If we are close to His heart then our motives and lives will be pure and we have the ability to make right decisions.
I believe that there are rules put in place for a reason and I am a stong advocate of obedience, but for all of my life I have been obedient to a fault. I have been willing to throw everything that I have needed for myself to obey. Its been painful and caused a poverty mentality and a cycle of exhausting myself to please others. I would work myself into the ground if I knew it would make my parents say good job just one time. But I have worked too much and too hard and even though I know I am called to rest, I have almost refused to do it and am facing the consequences now. Rest is so vital to us I am learning. I was deeply convicted by the message on sunday... both of them actually.
For instance, I have been trying to rest for a couple of weeks. I actually found the most peace even with my extremely high conscience, last night when I sipped a mamosa with my girls while we watched ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. I even tried a tobacco free hooka. It was like blowing bubbles. I would normally say I'm worry for being a bad example of something, but I think that its good that I can have peace and rest in these things. I don't think God is upset at me for it and I know I wouldn't have peace if it was something bad.
Some people might read this and freak out. But I didn't get buzzed or drunk, I was just relaxed. Didn't jesus even drink wine with his friends. I know that it was a drink of the culture then, but I don't really think that that makes a big difference. I'm sorry if this makes you disappointed in me a little bit, but I have no fear of man and I am not bound by the laws of men and religion.
I am learning that rules and living by them is completely useless. Living by conviction and passion is so much greater. Because I don't want to be an alcoholic I make the choice to not drink regularly and to not drink very much. I am passionate about remaining free from addiction, but that doesn't mean that I have live in fear of it and stay away from it completely.
I am passionate about purity, but I desire intimacy. So, because I am passionate about purity I will not put myself in compromising situations, but when the time comes I will hold hands and hug and stuff. Who knows, maybe I'll even kiss... Its not about the rules and being bound to them, its about the motives of the heart.
A great example is the difference in last night and 2007 new years eve. I was angry and wanting to retalliate and allow those that hurt me see how poorly I was doing. I felt so guilty about it. Last night I had a few sips of spamone and relaxed with my girl friends in celebration of friendships and life. the motive was completely different and I think that is what separates sin from moderation and balance...
I don't know if I making sense, and I certainly hope that my theology is still on the right track, but all i know is that I feel just as much peace today as I did last night.
I used to feel like a puppy god being chased around by its owner with a newspaper for doing the smallest things, but it is so freeing to know that God's opinion of me for these things. He enjoys me enjoying myself.
Kate
No comments:
Post a Comment